Dear Sick Folk,

Dear Sick Elevator People:

Why do you exist?You get on the elevator with your germ warfare, attacking all who come into your way. It's not fair to healthy people. You look a mess and you should cover your face with an aerosol bag. No one wants to stand next to you while you cough up a lung or blow your nose to smithereens. There should be laws to prevent you from leaving outside; like a public health ordinance. What are you trying to prove? That you are responsible and can make it to work? That you showed up for an exam? That you are strong? You are neither of those buddy. You are a rickety anthropoid, that should be confined to a dungeon; no human contact. No one wants to see you prove to the world you are stronger than you look, because you look tore up from the floor up. Perception is reality people, and if you can't get it together, why should the human race suffer for your poor choices? As an ex-boyfriend once told me, "Do humankind a favor and fall of the face of the earth"... until you get better.

Sincerely,

The woman who shared an elevator with one of these annoying sick people. 

Summer's Eve in the Workplace

It’s hard for me to concentrate at work. I swear I suffered from undiagnosed ADHD problem (or ADD; it’s the lack of concentration one) for most of my life. When I find myself in one of my potential ADHD/ADD? moments, I eavesdrop into people’s conversation. It’s a cool habit to have actually; not many people possess such a superpower. I swear I should have been a spy…..

What is up with my coworker’s fascination with douching and vaginas?  According to the Summer’s Eve website she’s stalking, there are “body washes, soaps, scents.” Welcome to Walgreen's my dear. They have cornered the market on this stuff for decades. As she educates me on the variety of products Summer’s Eve has under its arsenal, (you’re welcome for the plug Summer’s Eve) I can’t stop thinking about rubber duckies and mints. Is it lunchtime yet? 

Now she's ranting about sugar and how it can affect your PH balance and cause yeast infections. Well there went my 3pm chocolate break partner. Now I'm angry. I like chocolate, rubber duckies and mint. Summer’s Eve is depriving me of all my wants, and scarring me into thinking if I indulge in my three vices, I will suffer a yeast infection. Well  Summer’s Eve meet Monistat, and it will kick your yeast infecting Debbie Downer in the ass.  

Now my coworker tells me Summer’s Eve has a picture of old people happy with lube. Luckily she’s off to the DMV, (not D-M-V…DMV…pronounced together) where she will be processed as a Summer’s Eve stalker who doesn't eat chocolate. I’m going back to my world of rubber duckies, mint and chocolate were I belong.